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Read Part One Here.
Enjoy Part Six!
“The frizzy-haired chick is his secretary!” Grover screams from the other end of the phone where he’s staked out outside Rasmussen Tool.
“God, banging your secretary is like the most douchebag move you can make. How do you know?”
“I can see her through the window sitting at the front desk, so I called and she answered, ‘Mr. Rasmussen’s office. Please hold.’ Pretty slick, huh?”
“Yes, good sidekick work, sidekick. Now, follow her home after work,” I say.
And he did.
It turned out she was married too, so that’s why her place was a no-go and they were on the lookout for a safe place to do the dirt.
While Grover handled all the outside stakeout work, I kept watch on the Rasmussen house.
Every workday, Nora would leave for her daily lunch date with her sister, and then Ty and Valerie Jacobs, his secretary, would arrive and spend about an hour “going over the latest figures.”
I took pictures of Ty and Valerie coming and going and recorded the relevant grunts and groans by holding my iPhone to the baby monitor.
Why wouldn’t he remove the baby monitor from his bedroom? I asked myself.
***
The next day, Friday, I purposely stand in the front lawn with the kids and wave at Ty as he walks out of the front door with Valerie.
Does he duck his head in shame or pretend to ignore me like he got his hand caught in the cookie jar?
No!
He smiles and gives me a little two-handed six-shooter action.
Then he gets in the car and drives away.
“Oh, you’ll get your just deserts,” I say, shaking my fist.
“Dessert? Choc-choc? I want magic choc-choc,” Ryan says back to me.
“Never mind,” I say to Ryan.
He looks at me.
I look back at him.
And we walk back inside the house to make a batch of Toll House chocolate chip cookies.
***
Grover arrives at the house just as I’m pulling out the tray of cookies from the oven.
Right on time.
We go over all the evidence we have against Ty.
We’ve got incriminating pictures and enough explicit audio recordings to warrant a significant FCC fine.
But, how do we get all this over to Nora?
How do we serve Ty his just deserts?
We bat ideas back and forth.
Grover says, “What if we call the restaurant Nora’s at and have them page her and when she answers the phone we put our end of the phone to the monitor while Ty and Valerie are having sex?”
“Or what if we go to the restaurant she’s at and pull the fire alarm, so she has to go home early and then catches them in the act?” I say.
“Or what if we break into Nora’s car and plant the monitor in the backseat?” Grover says.
“No, if she drives it too far she’ll get out of range,” I say. “But, what if we somehow steal her iPod and download all the tracks of Ty cheating onto her workout playlist?”
“Or what if we break into her house and sneak into her bedroom and hide in her closet and secretly video Ty and Valerie going at it?”
“Or why don’t you two just tell me what’s going on?”
“Mama!” Ryan cries and runs into her arms.
Juliet.
Busted.
“Hey, honey,” I say.
“Hey, Puddin’,” Grover says.
We all knew each other in college and Grover’s always called Juliet “Puddin’”. But he’s the only one who can call her that, so don’t even try it.
“You’re home from work early?” I say.
“My meeting was cancelled. So do you mind telling me why you guys are planning on breaking into our neighbor’s house?”
When you’re a private detective, you deal in untruths and deception, and you learn that “the truth” is an illusory abstract concept in a world full of shades of gray. But, there is one immutable truth that even the most hard-boiled shamus must abide by.
DO NOT LIE TO YOUR WIFE.
So I tell Juliet the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the slightly embarrassing when said out loud truth.
Juliet listens to the whole story without saying a word, while thumbing through the stacks of photos and transcripts that constitute our case file.
And when I finish, she punches me in the shoulder.
“Ouch,” I say.
Then she punches Grover in shoulder too.
“Ouch, Puddin’. Don’t blame me, I’m just the sidekick.”
“I can’t believe you guys didn’t tell me earlier.” She smiles. “This is SO JUICY!”
“I didn’t think you’d approve.”
“Oh sure, I don’t love the idea of my husband stalking the pretty neighbor across the street who still has her pre-pregnancy body all while he’s supposed to be watching our children. But, I love the idea of finding out the dirt about our neighbors even more.”
She holds up a photo of Valerie and Ty walking to the car with his hand on her butt and says, “This is better than US Weekly!”
“You’re not mad?”
“Oh, I’m mad alright.” She holds up the photograph and points to Ty. “I’m mad at this stupid jerkface. And poor Nora, she probably doesn’t even know she’s married to a stupid jerkface.”
“I know,” I say. “But how do we get her to find out?”
Grover says, “What if we fake a call from her ADT Home Security System saying that her burglar alarm is going off. She’d have to cut her lunch short and drive home and catch Ty in the act.”
“We can use star sixty-seven to block the call,” I say.
Then I remember.
“Wait, we don’t have Nora’s cell number.”
“We can ask Ty,” Grover says.
I throw my hands up in the air. “Idiot. That defeats the whole purpose.”
Juliet lets out a loud sigh to get our attention.
“You guys are making this way too complicated,” she says.
“What? You’ve got a better plan?” I say back.
“I do,” she says, gathering up all our evidence and putting it back in the box. “Just watch me.”
And we watch her walk out the front door carrying the box of evidence.
We run to the front window and see her walk across the street to the Rasmussen house.
“She’s not doing what I think she’s doing, is she?” I say.
She rings the doorbell and Nora answers.
We watch them talk.
“I wish I could read lips,” Grover says.
But there’s really no need.
Juliet gets right down to it and shows Nora the contents of the evidence box.
Then she holds up a cell phone and presumably plays the Ty and Valerie audio.
Nora’s mood darkens.
Juliet points back across the street at us.
“Oh, crap,” we both say in unison, then duck our heads behind the curtains.
We peep back and see Juliet and Nora hugging. They break their embrace. Juliet says a few more words, and then Nora backs up and closes the front door taking the evidence box with her.
Juliet turns and walks back across the street and through our front door again.
“Case closed,” Juliet says with a big smile on her face.
“So what do we do now?” Grover says.
“We wait for Ty to come home,” I say.
Come back tomorrow for the dramatic conclusion of "Monitor". Da, da, dum.
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