The Cool Dad (A Calvin Recker Mystery Novel)- Chapter 6

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Here we go. This is the last chapter I'm posting. I hope you've enjoyed reading. If you want to read the next 40 (40!) chapters of The Cool Dad, it's available as an ebook on Amazon Kindle HERE (or click image) for $2.99.

6

I don’t lose Henry for long.

We’ve left the men’s room of the Hatchet Public Library. I will spare you the details of what went on in there, not because I don’t think you wouldn’t relish a good bit of potty humor, but because I have already mentally erased the memories from my brain like in The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I find Henry and Max at one of the more delightful places in the town of Hatchet.

The Icy Igloo.

Best soft serve ice cream in Hatchet.

It’s a round wooden shack shaped and painted to resemble an Eskimo igloo and has been the main hangout for Hatchet High students for decades.

The structure itself has been destroyed and rebuilt three times.

Once it was blown away by a storm that was not quite strong enough to be classified as a tornado.

Once it burnt down in a grease fire.

And once it was actually lifted up and placed on a flatbed truck and dropped on the fifty-yard line by some pranksters at rival East Hatchet before the annual rivalry game.

I see Henry and Max sitting on top of one of the picnic benches set up outside the Igloo. They’re both working on chocolate and vanilla swirl cones. Henry’s wearing a really killer pair of sunglasses with brown tortoise shell frames and blue-tinted lenses and he’s got this hypnotic way of licking circles around the ice cream like he’s working a pottery wheel. Watching him lick the ice cream cone makes me think of how an actor onscreen makes the act of smoking a cigarette more glamorous or the villain makes the act of slicing an apple with a pocket knife seem that much more menacing. Henry is just in the moment, sitting on top of the bench with his feet on the seat and facing out, wearing his shades, and leaning over and licking smooth circles around the cone while not letting a single drop fall. Max, meanwhile, has got ice cream everywhere including up his nose.

I give Henry a little nod just to play it cool and get in line at the Icy Igloo for our order.

I also give a little head nod to the guy taking my order, because it’s none other than Ginny McConkey’s secret pothead boyfriend, Trev. Hey, there’s a lot of competition out their in the weed market and even small business owners like Trev have to get a second job. Also, the Icy Igloo, which is like the THE teen summer hangout, is a great place to meet and expand your customer base.

“One adult swirl cone, one chocolate kids cone, and one kids bowl.”

Trev hesitates over the order.

“Ice cream in a bowl, Trev.”

Trev nods. “That makes a little more sense. Coming right up, Mr. Recker.”

That what I like about Trev, he’s always thinking business.

I pick up our ice cream at the end of the counter, knowing full well that in about thirty seconds, the ice cream will end up on Ryan and Daisy’s faces, clothes and hair. I grab a handful of paper napkins and we take a seat next to Henry and Max on the bench.

 “Ah, ah, ah,” Daisy says, pointing at Henry’s face.

 “I think she likes your sunglasses,” I say. “They are pretty sweet. What kind are they?”

Henry removes them and says, “Oh these? They’re the Persol PO 714. The same shades Steve McQueen wore in The Thomas Crown Affair.”

“Classic,” I say.

I want them.

Would it be weird if I showed up tomorrow wearing the same exact sunglasses?

Daisy points again. “Ah, ah, ah!”

Henry hands over the glasses to Daisy who promptly bends them in half.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, snatching the glasses out of Daisy’s hand and handing them back to Henry.

“No, don’t worry. They fold. See?”

He demonstrates the folding action.

“Those are the coolest shades I’ve ever seen,” I say.

Like I said before, I WANT those shades and I don’t care if Juliet says I can’t pull off the Steve McQueen look.

“Thanks, man. I’m no Steve McQueen, though. But who is?”

“Expensive?”

“Yeah,” he says, wiping the lenses off on his T-shirt.

“Sorry, my daughter got her sticky hands all over them.”

 “No. Don’t worry. I think these are knockoffs. I bought them off of a street vendor in Broome. In Australia”

“Australia? Were you there on vacation?”

Check out that detective work!

“No. I lived there for a spell.”

“And now you’re in Hatchet, Illinois.”

“This is a nice little town.”

“Yeah, emphasis on little. But there are two different yarn stores.”

“Two?”

“And with two different disciplines. Darn That Yarn does crotchet and A Stitch in Time does only cross-stitch.”

“Is there a rivalry between the two?”

“I don’t know. But it would be awesome if there was. A bunch of old ladies going after each other samurai-style with needles.”

Henry nods and laughs. Then he looks over at Max and his smeared face. “Hey, bro. Let’s get you some napkins.”

“Oh, here. I always get extras.”

I hand Henry a stack of napkins. He tries to wipe Max’s face, but Max contorts and swipes at Henry’s hand like there’s a fly buzzing around him. Henry really should know that only moms and their magic mommy spit can get away with wiping the face of any kid over four.

Rookie mistake.

Max wordlessly grabs a napkin and half-ass wipes the chocolate off. He hands the sticky mess back to Henry.

Henry gives the wad a disgusted look, and then walks over to the garbage can to toss it. He comes back and grabs Max’s hand. “Let’s go, bro,” he says to him. Henry looks at me and says, “Nice seeing you again, neighbor.”

Wait! Don’t go! I have so many more leading questions to ask!

“Let’s do it again sometime,” I blurt out.

Ugh.

So lame.

Henry unfolds his awesome Steve McQueen sunglasses and puts them on. “Definitely,” he says.

I watch Henry and Max walk back down the sidewalk. Then I look at my own momentarily neglected children. I notice Ryan’s cone is empty but his face is clean.

He points down. “Daddy. Look.”

I look down and see a glob of ice cream melting on the sidewalk.

At least one mystery is solved.

The Cool Dad (A Calvin Recker Mystery Novel)- Chapter 5

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Dear Readers,

The Cool Dad is available as an ebook on Amazon Kindle HERE (or click image) for $2.99.

Here's Chapter 5.

5

But I don’t find Henry Newcombe at the pool or the playground.

After a half day of searching, I find him and Max at the circulation desk of the Hatchet Public Library filling out applications for their library cards. It wasn’t some big clue that led me to the library. I was headed there anyway since our books were about to be overdue. The fine on ten overdue books about trains is no joke.

Henry’s wearing a sun-weathered light blue V-neck T-shirt with one side casually tucked into khaki shorts held up by well-tenderized leather belt. Max stands next to him in a red Angry Birds T-shirt and shorts, holding a stack of Jordan Jetpack chapter books.

I’m sitting in the children’s section with Daisy in my lap and Ryan sitting criss-cross applesauce-style next to me as the librarian who might be pushing two hundred years old sits on a stool and reads a book in front of me, my children and five other kids.

My sexy librarian fantasy is officially squashed.

She finishes the book about a skateboarding radish called Rad the Radish and picks up another picture book and holds it up.

“This next book is a very special book,” she says. “It’s about two plucky little squirrels named Seymour and Simon. The title is I Love Nuts.”

She turns the book around to show the illustration on the first page of two squirrels sitting on a tree branch next to a hollowed-out knob.

She reads, “‘I’m hungry, Seymour. Do you have anything to eat?’ Simon asks. ‘All I have to eat is this big pile of nuts. Would you like to see them?’ Seymour responds.”

The librarian turns the page to show the kids an illustration of the pile of acorns.

“‘I don’t like nuts. I don’t like to eat them,’ says Simon.”

“‘I love nuts,’ says Seymour. ‘There is nothing I like to eat more than nuts. Sometimes I eat one. And sometimes I eat two.’”

Um.

“‘Don’t these nuts look delicious?’ Seymour adds.”

“‘They do look good,’ says Simon. ‘But I just don’t want to put them in my mouth.’”

A loud laugh comes from behind me. I turn my heard around and see Henry Newcombe standing just outside the story time circle. I give him a “Do you believe this shit?” look.

The librarian presses on. “Nuts. Nuts. I love nuts.”

She turns the page.

“Big.”

She turns the page.

“Chewy.”

She turns the page.

“Brown.”

I whip my head around back at Henry and we both mouth the word “brown” and shake our heads.

The librarian turns the page and reads, “Nuts. Why don’t you try my nuts?”

Oh, god. Oh, god. I look back at Henry Newcombe and he’s hyperventilating over a diorama display case. I can’t stop the giggles and Daisy’s bouncing up and down on my lap as I laugh. The kids, mind you, are oblivious, and just want to keep hearing about the squirrels.

The ancient librarian shoots me a look like she wants to issue me an afterschool detention. I try to bury my head into Daisy’s shoulder, but I’m still shaking.

The librarian continues, “No thank you. I just don’t have a taste for nuts. Do you have anything else in that little hole of yours I can eat?”

That’s it! Henry and I are D-O-N-E done. Def Comedy Jam audience done.

The librarian tries to ignore our howls of laughter and pushes through to the last page. “Then Seymour Squirrel peers deep into the hole and pulls out a plate and says, ‘Sure. How about spaghetti and meatballs?’”

“‘Yum,’ says Simon Squirrel. ‘I love meatballs!’”

She turns the page and shows off the illustration of the two squirrels sharing a plate of spaghetti and meatballs.

She closes the book and says, “The end.”

Ryan says, “Good end,” which is what he says instead of “the end” when we read books together at bedtime.

 “That is the end of story time,” the librarian says. “I hope you little boys and girls enjoyed the books. I know at least two big boys enjoyed it.”

The librarian eases her way up from her stool and hands out stickers to the kids. She collects her books and trudges back to the circulation desk of the children’s section. But then she turns quickly and looks in the direction of Henry and me.

And winks at us.

Henry looks at me. I look at Henry.

Our jaws are on the ground.

“Certainly a curious selection for story time,” Henry says to me.

“Could have been worse,” I say. “Last week she read Yo Llama’s So Fat.”

We both laugh. I realize that this is my meet-cute moment!

“I’ve seen you at the pool, right?” Henry says.

“Yeah. Stable Bluff. I think we actually live right down the street from each other. I’m at two-fifteen Breeders,” I say.

“Two-thirty-five. Looks like we’re pretty much neighbors. I’m Henry Newcombe and the chatterbox next to me is Max. Say hello, Max.”

Max doesn’t say hello and just looks down at his books.

“That’s okay,” I say. “Kids hate forced politeness.” I look down at Ryan and say, “Ryan, say hello to Mr. Newcombe.”

Ryan looks up at Henry, then looks back over to me and says, “I gotta go potty.”

“Right now?”

“Really bad!”

“Just pee-pee?” I ask hopefully.

“No. Pee-pee AND poo-poo.”

There are many upsides to successfully potty training your child, but their impulse with 100 percent accuracy to visit the most disgusting public restrooms we’re within shouting distance of is not one of them. Seriously, who drops a deuce in a public library except a homeless person? If I were homeless and had to go, the public library would be my first stop.

Henry smiles at me and says, “Good luck, neighbor.”

My meet-cute moment is over and I didn’t even get a chance to find out anything about the man other than he lives down the street from me, which is something I already knew. I force a smile at Henry as he waves goodbye, and I death march my battalion off to the men’s restroom.

The Cool Dad (A Calvin Recker Mystery Novel)- Chapter 4

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Hello again.

The Cool Dad is available as an ebook on Amazon Kindle HERE (or click image) for $2.99.

Here's Chapter 4.

4

Juliet comes home from work at 5:30 p.m., five minutes after I frantically finished cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack.

The toy explosion in the family room is another matter.

“Mommy,” Ryan says, running up to her and jumping into her arms.

Daddy is officially the forgotten man.

Daisy follows after her brother with her Frankenstein walk saying, “Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma.”

“Did you have fun today?” Juliet says to Ryan.

“Yeah, we went to pool and ate cookie cheese and Daddy says we can get a doggy,” he rambles out all at once.

“Really?” she says back, then looks up at me for confirmation

I shake my head.

Ryan runs back to the couch to continue his binge watching of Handy Manny, while Daisy holds tight to Juliet’s ankle.

She drops her purse on the counter and says to me, “And how was your day?”

“Good. I got a new case,” I say after a quick kiss.

“That’s nice,” she says. “What’s for dinner?”

“I was going to serve beef bourguignon, but I didn’t defrost the meat, or shop for the ingredients, but if you can wait, oh, about six hours, I can get started on that right now.”

Juliet smiles. “So, frozen pizza?”

“It is Tuesday,” I say.

“Actually, honey, it’s Wednesday.”

She’s right. When you’re not working it’s sometimes difficult to tell one day from the next.

“That’s what I meant.” I reach into the freezer and hold up three frozen discs. “Sausage, pepperoni or supreme?”

“Let’s go all out and treat ourselves with the supreme.”

I turn on the oven and Juliet gets to work peeling and chopping the fruit and vegetables for the kids.

“Tell me about the case,” she says.

“You know that house they finally sold at the end of the block?”

“The Seattle Slew? I’m so glad a family finally moved in.”

“The Newcombes. Henry, Elise and Max. Max came from Elise’s prior relationship. And her father apparently bought the house for the couple as a wedding present.”

“Wow. He really went off registry.”

“That’s what I said!”

We high-five.

“Anyway,” I continue, “the father wants me to investigate his new son-in-law.”

“Cheating-husband case?”

“Probably. But you never know. It could be a cheating-wife case. Or, maybe the guy who hired me has ulterior motives and by spying on his son-in-law, I will de-facto be spying on his daughter who’s actually not his daughter but his wife. Or it could all come down to a shady land deal. You can never quite tell where these things will end up when you start a case.”

“Oh, the places you will go,” Juliet says.

Ding. The oven is ready. I slide the pizza in.

“Are you and Grover just going to do surveillance?” she asks.

“He is. But the client actually wants me to befriend the guy. Get to know him. I guess the wedding was pretty sudden and he doesn’t know the guy all too well.”

“What’s your plan? Ring his doorbell and ask him to come out and play?”

“No, I figure I’ll just run into him at one of the usual spots. Pool. Playground. There’s only so many places you can take a kid in this neighborhood.”

“Just try not to get hurt,” she says.